Why Did Nobody Tell Me?

So I can think back to that fateful day now, it wasn’t actually even that long ago. I was wearing an over sized jumper and some joggers (an absolute #fashionista over here) and she turned to me and said, you do realize you’re neurodivergent and most likely ADHD.

It was like a tidal wave of ‘ah-ha’ moments started pinging in my head. At breakneck speed my brain was going back over the last 40 years (well what I can remember of it) and flagging every moment where I questioned whether I was different, and just couldn’t understand how I did things so differently to everyone else. It was honestly like the penny had dropped.

I grew up in a family where it would most likely be seen to be a failing to tick any of these boxes, but this finally made so much sense with my struggles, and I might add my superpowers, so this was not something i had EVER considered. As far as I was concerned I was a normal kid that turned in to a pretty normal (albeit a bit traumatized) adult and just struggles more with certain things because i wasn’t as smart. This new shiny label explained a lot.

I left my therapists room that day, headed home and started looking for some resources. Naturally because our phones hear everything we say, slowly my social media feed started turning towards suggested Neuro-divergence and ADHD content, then I was having a field day.

We like to call it the ‘Instagram Rabbit Hole’ in truth it’s more like the black hole because once you go in it’s very hard to get back out. But nevertheless I started researching, online, in forums and with good old google. I stumbled across a really good book by a lady called Tracey Otsuka called ‘ADHD for Smart Ass Women’ and proceeded to read the entire book front to back in a few days (there’s the old ADHD Hyperfocus). This book really opened my eyes. ADHD has been thrown around a lot and used as a label to slap on hyperactive, naughty or different children for years. Sometimes used as a laughing point, I actually remember it being questioned whether my brother had it, but what I found really interesting when starting the book was that hyperactivity is not always a behavior of people with ADHD, there are varying forms, symptoms and behavior trait’s, I along with most of the population had just always honed in on the ‘hyper’ type.

So what does ADHD ‘look’ like?

I’ve broken this down in to the widely recognized symptoms and the less common but equally as troublesome behavior traits of someone with ADHD.

1. Inattention

Easily distracted / Trouble focusing or sustaining attention / Frequently making careless mistakes / Forgetfulness (e.g., losing items, missing appointments) / Poor time management / chronic lateness / Difficulty following through on tasks.

2. Hyperactivity

Fidgeting or squirming / Feeling restless or constantly “on the go” / Talking excessively / Difficulty staying seated (especially in children) / Interrupting conversations or activities

3. Impulsivity

Blurting out answers or thoughts / Difficulty waiting turns / Risk-taking behavior (e.g., spending sprees, impulsive decisions)

If this is you, Amazon prime is not your friend. You can be impulsive AND it arrives in breakneck speed. A recipe for disaster.

Here are the less publicized behavior traits

1. Emotional Dysregulation

Intense reactions to small frustrations / Difficulty calming down after being upset / Mood swings or emotional sensitivity.

Worth adding in here, ADHD can wreak absolute havoc with female hormonal shifts and you are then looking at PMDD territory, which from personal experience is a scary place to go.

2. Hyperfocus

Getting so deeply focused on one interest or task that everything else is ignored (can look like the opposite of inattention)

My closest friend and I, both on similar spectrums regularly joke about our ‘Hyperfocus powers’ you know when you’ve got an important deadline at work that CANNOT be missed, yet half an hour before it’s due you are 4 hours in to the throws of relabeling every spice jar you own, with perfect little handmade labels and fresh jars, in total denial about the fact that you haven’t done the work and shit is going to hit the fan when everybody realizes.

3. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

Extreme emotional pain from perceived criticism or rejection / Can lead to avoidance or people-pleasing behaviors.

Tick, this one surprised me but like most of these points felt very relatable. I really struggle to take any kind of criticism positively and no matter how nicely it’s laid out (we all love a compliment sandwich) it always feel like a blow to the gut, even if you have actually just fucked up like all humans do!

4. Sensory Sensitivities

Overwhelm from noise, light, textures, or smells / Trouble in crowded or overstimulating environments.

On this point, I have been loosely diagnosed with something called ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) because of the struggles I have with food, more so for me with the taste of things as opposed to the texture or smell, but it all corresponds.

5. Sleep Issues

Difficulty falling or staying asleep / Feeling tired despite enough rest / Racing thoughts at bedtime

6. Task Paralysis

Feeling mentally “frozen” when facing a to-do list / Struggling to start tasks even when they’re important or simple.

Oh I know this one so blooming well. I have lost days where I am crippled by paralysis and in truth self doubt and just can’t start a job. It’s normally the things I don’t want to do. Luckily if you feel passion, Hyperfocus is your friend and that will take over and make you feel invincible.

7. Time Blindness

Difficulty estimating how long something takes / Losing track of time or missing deadlines.

There is a joke in my house that everything takes 10 minutes, literally EVERYTHING. I can look at the clock, with 15 minutes before I have to leave to go somewhere and I will mentally create a list that will easily take an entire afternoon but be so dead set on the fact I can get it all done in 15 minutes, needless to say I overcommit, fail miserably (which was inevitable) and then wind up feeling really frustrated with myself.

8. Nonlinear Productivity

Bursts of intense work followed by burnout or inactivity / Struggling with consistent effort.

I find this hits hardest with social interactions, I can have spat of being socially engaged, being fun, loud, funny, and then it’s like that annoying red battery icon on your iPhone, when I’m done being social I leave abruptly and basically have to sit in total silence away from any kind of communication. I am an avid fan of Airplane mode on my phone when I’m socially drained.

So that outlines some of my learnings, but I’m fairly confident I’m only scratching the surface. One of my therapists couldn’t understand why I had no interest in being ‘formally diagnosed’ (which is basically involves either waiting two years on the NHS or paying in excess of £1,000 privately for a piece of paper highlighting what you already know).

I politely declined, I don’t need a piece of paper, the shoe fits, a lot makes sense and I just now feel armed with a better ability to know my triggers and also find different ways of doing things that work for me.

If you are reading this and feel like the penny has dropped, I highly recommend the earlier mentioned book. And as always there are endless resources online (Just try and avoid Reddit, there is nothing but angry keyboard warriors on there).

Love and Light as always 

Georgie